Accepting my Creative Habits
At what moments do you feel as though your reach exceeds your grasp?
Most of the time. I feel as though I'm always yearning to achieve something, but I haven't managed to yet. I long to be proud of myself for pursuing the things that I'm passionate about and make me feel creatively fulfilled.
What is your greatest fear?
Feeling unfulfilled and as though I didn't let myself explore the things I dreamed of.
When faced with these questions from Twyla Tharp's, 'The Creative Habit', it was eye-opening for me to compare them and see that what I fear most, would only be caused by my own self-doubt and criticism (Tharp, 2008). My desire to feel inspired, freely explore my creativity, and pursue projects that align with my morals and passions, was clear from my answers and so ultimately only my fear and negative judgement of myself is what holds me back from doing these things.
In my 'Chosen Practitioner' blog, I discussed my desire to emulate Ring's appreciation and passion 'by allowing the intention behind my movement to stem from within', whilst also creating some more intricate sequences which contrast to my natural movement style. I found starting this task difficult, as I questioned how to find this emotive quality within myself and was critical of my ability to commit to a more intense dynamic. However, when watching The Choreographer Mats Ek documentary, Ek explained that "spontaneous movements are more closely related to emotions than words" because words involve a logical explanation or interpretations, whereas movement shows your true instinct, sincerity and embodiment of your emotion and inner thoughts (The Choreographer Mats Ek, 2014). This encouraged me to stop over-analysing what I was doing so much and, instead of trying to justify every single decision I made in my head, to just start moving. During my rehearsal I didn't look in the mirror or rewatch my videos, I simply put my headphones in and experimented with the music, because "if you don't start somewhere, then you won't go anywhere" (Burrows, 2010).
From this session, I created part of my Independence vs Human Connection section, in which I explored feelings of longing and loss. Kya experienced being abandoned by all of her family, and despite being repeatedly let down, she continued to yearn for the compassion of her mother. Although this isn't a situation I have been through, I think that all of us as humans can relate to feeling betrayed and lonely and looking back at my own upsetting experiences helped me to emulate the sentiment I wanted to achieve, proving Mats Ek's idea that "you must look into yourself for the movement to come out"(The Choreographer Mats Ek, 2014).
Experiment One:
Once again using the quote "Kya laid her hand upon the breathing, wet earth and the marsh became her mother", I experimented with the idea that my hand actually became the motherly figure for Kya, and expressed this with the repetition of wiping my hand across my face. Initially, I seem dismissive of the gesture, showing Kya's struggle to accept her abandonment. However, the intention behind this changes each time, as I begin to acknowledge my hand; start to reach for it as it falls from my face, and finally cherish the touch, in the same way Kya would cherish receiving the tenderness and care she longs for from her mother.
Completed Independence vs Human Connection: Longing and Loss Section:
References:
Tharp, T., 2008. The Creative Habit. New York: Simon & Schuster, pp.45-46.
The Choreographer Mats Ek. 2014. [video] Directed by B. Eriksson and A. Söderberg. Sweden: Moment 22 Film & Video AB.
Nordman, M., 2016. Mats Ek. [image] Available at: <https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/theater_dance/mats-ek--the-swedish-rebel-choreographer-whos-allergic-to-pretty/2016/05/27/59f73918-21ef-11e6-aa84-42391ba52c91_story.html> [Accessed 30 October 2021].
Burrows, J., 2010. A Choreographer's Handbook. Oxford: Taylor & Francis Ltd, pp.54-57.
Arnalds, O., 2021. Saudade (When We Are Born). [online] New York: Mercury Classics. Available at: <https://youtu.be/1A1Fts-2SPI> [Accessed 27 January 2022].
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